April 16 was my judgement day. To be honest, I’m completely a wreck. The demon took over my mind again and I was seriously beaten up. I couldn’t sleep well that week, I refused to think about anything, I wanted to disappear, as usual.
Then it hit me. How come I finished things if I always running away from it? I am not growing up. I am just leaving things behind, running away. So I started to pull myself together. I have to deal with that, was my thought. So I started to swim back to the shore.
I started the day with little anxious. I almost wear my converse, if Rita didn’t text me. Feel relieved when I saw Rio, and that time I really wanted to hug him, to release my weights. God doesn’t sleep, I whisper right before I entered the room.
I finally passed the final test with freaking much revisions. Rita and Rio were outside the room, even a junior of mine came to see me. That was really sweet of them. With that, all my emotion is clear. The demon is still there but I can conquer them, a bit. I thank God million times. Now, I’m finally moving on. To the next level.
How to un-love someone?
I don’t know. I think there’s no such thing like that. Cause you see, when you fell in love with someone, you choose to be part of his/her life. There’s not always rainbows and butterflies, and you still choose him/her no matter what.
You can’t undo love. It’s just happened so fast. You met him/her and then you got so close and you realized, you already fell in love with him/her. Suddenly, he/she is the center of your world. You don’t walk away from the one you love, how hard it is, you have to hold on, you have to fight. If one of you let it go, then, it might be the time to let the bound go. But, you realize, deep in your heart, that love is still there.
Soulmate is the one we choose to be with till the end.
To be in relationship is so hard, and just like life, we have some choices. In those choices, there are some risks. We’re not going to choose which one is wrong or right. There are no right nor wrong choices. What we’ve chose, it will forever be with us. Why we’ve chose, because at that time, we knew that was the best for us. And we have to deal and live with what we’ve chose, till the end.
And with that, you found a soulmate, your loved one. The time you chosed someone to marry with, you took a full responsible with your choice. You fight for that one and you fight with that one.
Being in love for me is, I could spend a day with you, just cuddling or watching some old movies (especially drama ones, sad movies are the best!) or walking on the park hand on hand.
I couldn’t care less about the other when I’m with you. It’s not about where we at, what we watch, or how we do it, all I care is I’m with you. I don’t want anybody else to spend the rest of my life with. I choose you.
I never thought that the world be this fun before.
I never thought that chocolate bars taste so good when it’s from someone you care the most.
I never thought that I could stay until 3 in the morning besides scrolling down my blog, but texting.
I never thought that silly scribble in the notes could be full of poems, lyrics, and someone’s name.
I never thought that watching music concerts is way more fun if there’s two people.
I never thought that silly little things could mean so much more.
I never thought that whenever I’m down or I’m in the edge, someone will be there, waiting for me, helping me to go up again.
I never thought that I’m allowed to be that happy, for a long time.
Then I met you.
Thank you for always being on the other side of the edge.
“If you love something, then how hard it is, you will fight for it. Even when you got no time, you still make a time for it.”
That line really make me embarrassed. As much of you know, I love writing, more than anything. I make a blog to write things in my head. But, I surrendered easily. I didn’t write when I got no time (to be frank, I got like 30 minutes break, and I didn’t use that time to write), I didn’t write when I got sick, I didn’t write when I was super busy doing my final exam (and hell yeah, I still got time to play games in my iPad). I am the worst. How come I talk to anyone that I love writing but I stop when I get busy, or when it gets hard? Seems like my mind is really have a lot of practice to make excuses. I sometimes hate it, no, I really hate my mind, tho, for all the negativity that comes from it.
I really wish I am strong.
Wish me luck in my judgement day (I still don’t have the exact day, to be honest), and wish me becomes strong, like really strong on that day. I really need that.