Long Distance Relationship

“Long distance relationships are almost impossible to maintain. Because both people are rarely getting what they need, especially at our age.  You know I will always love you the most.” – Santana Lopez (Glee Season 4)

When my boyfriend accepted a job on the other city, I thought managing a newly long-distance relationship would be just that— manageable. There’s literally an app for that. Between FaceTime and Skype, you can practically be in two places at once. Besides, I thought, absence doesn’t just make the heart grows fonder. But then reality set in. We were suddenly thousands of frequent-flier miles apart, shuttling back and forth for birthdays and conjugal visits but mostly just communicating digitally. I tried to have a good attitude about the whole thing—at first. Calling is now cheaper than it’s ever been. It helps that texting is free, too, thanks to WhatsApp, which works anywhere you have a Wi-Fi connection, even internationally. And then there’s that old-fangled standby, Skype. But still, I, with most of respect I have, adore the people who have been doing long distance relationship for so long. And I know, it is scary as hell.

First of all, long distance isn’t a choice, it’s something you wait out until you can be with your significant other. I guarantee it if you ask any of us who are actually in an LDR, we would all say wholeheartedly that we absolutely would prefer to close the distance and have our significant other nearby. Is the community as a whole not going on about that every minute of every day? Secondly, long-distance requires a massive emotional commitment. You can’t just turn it on and off whenever it may strike your fancy. No. You have to really be willing to deal with everything that comes with it: the good, the bad, and the ugly. For though you may think long-distance is cute and romantic, the harsh reality is that they suck. It really is one of the most painful things you will ever go through. Imagine a blunt rusty nail. Now imagine the Atlantic Ocean slowly driving that blunt rusty nail through your innermost core while your significant other looks on helplessly just out of arm’s reach. It’s not enough to kill you, but it’s the most effective torture device ever invented, enough to drive you mad. The nail is driven, removed, and re-driven incessantly. It can be soothed by the other, yes, but not indefinitely. And this is one of the things that make LDR look bad. One of the common negative comments posed towards LDR is that we were just desperate or deliberately looking for someone. No, we happened to meet someone amazing by chance, yes, even if over the Internet, and fell for them just as if it had happened in person and then decided that waiting for them would be worth the risk. We do it because a sincere love forms, not the desire for a fling or a label. An LDR is not easy, and it’s not always sweet and fluffy. So stop and think about what you’re asking for and if you’re really up for the full commitment.

So, to those who says being in long distance relationship is cute, screw you. I’d rather be with him than apart with him. But, there are no other choices right? We should keep going, as much as I always fear that one day we get tired, but we have to try. That’s why I hold it so long, right? Remember the reasons why you hold it so long 🙂 And to those who gave up before you tried, screw you. Clearly you’re not worth it.


October 28 1962 – October 28 2012

There is this woman that I feared the most. This woman only accept A, perfectionist, very discipline, hard worker (she works from 7 am to 4 pm, then had a practice at 6.30 pm until 9 pm, only to make our live better thanks to that irresponsible man 😐 ), full of confidence, high pride, and scary. But, this woman has a loving side too, she’s funny, kind, and beautiful. Sure we may have out misunderstandings  but she is still my mother. The woman that brought me to this world. And seeing her smile is the most amazing thing ever. This day, she turns 50. She’s getting old, and I still can’t make her truly happy. What a big failure I am.

Maybe one day I’ll be like you, mom. Walk with the confidence of an empowering woman with the strength like no other. To be able to carry the weight of the entire world on your shoulders yet walk with humility, hand in hand is a vision I could only dream of. Brush my falling tears to the side to bring smiles to all others. I pray to God that for every life I am to live that I be blessed with a mother like you. Happy Birthday Mother. I love you so much and try so hard to win your heart and smile. But regardless even though we annoy the fuck out of each other all the time, just always remember that I’ll always love you. And thank you so much for everything. Thank you for working so hard. Thank you for just being you. Thank you for everything. For almost 23 long years, you’ve taken care of me, taught me, helped me. At times, I was ungrateful. Other times, I felt more appreciative of you than I had of anyone else in the world. You’ve had many names in my life, such as bitch, old woman, care – taker, the most amazing person in the world. But there’s one I’m proudest to call you, Mom. We’ve had some rough times, but we pushed through, and we’ll continue to push through. I hope I never lose sight of all you’ve done for me again.You deserve all the best in the world.  And I will give my best to graduate because I know it’s the only gift you’ve always wanted for your birthday. I promise I will make you one day, proud of me, having this failure kid of your own.

Happy Birthday, my magnificent mother ❤

(she wouldn’t be able to read this, because I didn’t give it to her. Although every year I always wrote a birthday note to her with English. Because I know, if I wrote it in Indonesian, I would be brought into tears and couldn’t finish the notes. And also, it describes better with English than Indonesian. She used to asked my little sister to translate them, but since now she’s with me here, she got no one to turn to. And besides, I still didn’t talk to her long time, I am afraid of her, so, I just texted her a simple text message. Sorry mother)



I have been so busy lately. Ah, just this week though :p and, to be honest, I didn’t get a brilliant idea to write about, so I stuck, got lazy, and yeah, got no laptop to write with. And the application on my iPad didn’t want to work (insert deep sigh here). But there’s no time to blabber about. I miss so many days to write about, right? Yeah, I am sorry I couldn’t keep up with those challenge (oh so Adeline). Guess I would stop writing excuses and start writing bout somethings, huh?

I am sorry, dear my lovely blog and my lovely follower and my lovely secret reader (what a confident bitch). After this post would be so so so so much long (and a bit boring) post. But, just bear with it, will you? 😉


Seven Days in July

9 July

I woke up today just to found a beautiful red hair girl in my bed. I smiled and kiss her in her head. She sleeps peacefully. I jumped off of the bed to go to the bathroom. Doing morning ritual (shower-pee-brush teeth) and then back again to my room. She is still sleeping. I smiled again and changed to formal clothes. Ah, today I had class. I walk to the bed to wake her up. I kiss her cheeks and hug her tight. “Derrick?” she said. I smiled to her. “Good morning, sunshine” I said happily. She smiled. The best smile ever. “You got class this morning?” she asked while I was tidying my messy hair. I nodded my head. She’s up and hug me from behind. “I am gonna miss you” said her slowly. “No you’re not” I said bluntly. “I see you lunch?” I asked before I head off. ” Dinner” she said sadly. “Smile, Alice” I tried to make her happy. She smiled for me. I closed my apartment door and head to the stairs. Dinner. Can’t wait to see her.

I rushed off to the flower store. A bucket of white roses, I asked. The lady smiles happily and asked me to wait for her. In short time, she came with a beautiful bouquet of white roses. I paid her and run off her store. I run in the sidewalk, hit some people and said sorry many times, I lift my right hand up so that the bouquet fine. Finally home, I mumbled. I turn the knob to open the door. There she is, waiting in the couch, with smile. “Sorry…” I said while giving her the bouquet. She hugged me tightly, instead of took the bouquet. I smiled widely. “You must be starving” she said while taking the bouquet. She headed to the kitchen, filling the large vase with water and putting the bouquet there. “Go get change, I made you ravioli” she said. I widened my eyes, can’t believe it. But, no time to waste. I quickly have shower and get dress. When I was coming to the kitchen, she was there waiting for me. Smiling. She sure is beautiful.

10 July

Again, I woke up with her besides me. This time, my left hand was being slept off. I was playing with her soft hair when she opened her eyes. She smile at me. I kiss her head. She hugged me tightly. Ah. Life is easier if I stay like this. Today I get no class. Neither does she. “Breakfast outside?” I asked still cuddling with her. “That would be perfect.” answered her happily. “I love you, Alice” I said it. She put her head in my bare chest again and said “Ditto”. I kissed her head again.

“The waffle were great!” she said after we had breakfast in the waffle store. We walked in the sidewalk hand on hand happily. “You don’t have plan today?” I asked, wonder why I asked that. If I knew what the atmosphere would be, I’d rather hit by bus. “I am sorry, from lunch until dinner I got a tight schedule today, Derrick” there she answered it. “So, I won’t meet you until bed time?” I asked sadly. “We still could go to the park today, or go to the…” she stopped when she was looking at my face. “Sorry, D” she continued. I hold her hand tightly and look at her eyes deeply. “To the park it is” I said and tried to smile. She give me the sweet smile again. How could I be mad? I put my hand on her shoulder and shove her body closer to me. I love you, I whisper, which she didn’t listen.

11 July

I woke up without her besides me. I confusedly search with my sleepy eyes, but I don’t find her. Suddenly, my door is open, and there she is. Standing there with a tray in her hands. “Breakfast in bed” she said with her sweet smile. I sighed and decided to sit. “You look so worried, D.” she said when putting the tray in my lap. “I thought you weren’t here” I pull her hand and hug her. “I wouldn’t leave you, idiot.” she said and kiss my cheek. ” Yes you are” I denied her again. She looked at me with mad look. Oh no. “Let’s eat?” I asked her. She nodded her head and eat her food. “Alice, look, I am so sorry” I apologized to her after being ignored for a while. “You have reason, D” said her, still mad. “Look, I am sorry, really sorry. What should I do to make you believe it?” I said, begging her. She sighed. “Movie night, tonight! at 6.30!” she said happily. Everything just to make you smile, dear.

“What’s this movie about?” I whisper in her ear when we were in line at the cinema. “Cheesy one” she smile happily. Damn, I knew it. “Don’t be sad. It’s a detention for you, you should enjoy it. It’s Anne Hathaway with your favorite accent, British ” she said, still smiling. I surrender to that sweet smile and to Anne Hathaway with British accent. The movie started, she hold my hand. I stared at her. Shoot. This movie is too much. I am not going to watch it over, I’ll just…. My rambling mind stop when I see her. She hold my hand tightly. She put her head in my shoulder, I hug her. “Don’t cry” I whisper to her. “I am not” she denied it. I just smile. That’s why I hate watching those cheesy romantic movies. Hurt.

“Derrick, you were asleep?” asked Alice when I was going to close my eyes. I moved my body to face her. “What is it?” I asked. “We won’t be like that, right?” she said, referring to the movie. I scoot over her. She puts her head in my chest. “I won’t let it” I whisper in her ear. “You better not. Because if you let it, I swear I will murder you” she said, with British accent. I laugh. “Alice, I swear, I swear, I swear, I won’t” replied me also with British accent. She laugh and hug me tight. I kiss her forehead before close my eyes.

12 July

She woke me up with the sunshine from my window. And then smile widely. “Come on Alice, my class is in the afternoon, no need to wake up this early” I complained and pull the bed-cover to cover my face. She laughs and close the curtain. “I have to go this early, D” she said, sit besides me. “It can’t be re-schedule?” I begged. Wanted to spend the lazy morning with her. She shook her head. “See you at dinner?” said her while trying to do her hair in front of the mirror. “Yeah” said me while staring at her. She braided her beautiful red hair. I push my body to move to the make up table. I kiss her cheek, and then hug her from behind. She smells really good. And my kiss become more passionately, to the neck and.. “Derrick. I have to go..” she said, stopping me. I smile and said “see you”, while she kiss me on the cheek and go. Ah. Damn you hormone.

“Whoaaa.. D, this is too much” she said when we arrived in the sky restaurant, the famous and fancy and also expensive one. I just smile. The waitress guide us to our table. In lift, she couldn’t stop saying “D, this is beautiful” or “Oh my God, Derrick, I swear I wouldn’t forget this” or “Look at that! Oh my! Derrick, I love you!” and many more, even the waitress laugh. Silly girl. We just looked like a high class people. She couldn’t stop smiling and looking around. There are also famous people too. I’ve saved for today like sort of a year ago. Though I have to change the date, and fortunately I could change to today. I stared at her again. Her long hair is being braided, but with a messy touch. She wears black cute dress. She is perfection. “D, thank you. So much.” she said while holding my hand. “Anything for your happiness” replied me, being romantic. She smile again.

13 July

“Alice, seems like I couldn’t make it to dinner” I said while buttoning my shirt. “Why?” she asked eating an apple in the bed. “Club thing” replied me, packing my laptop on my bag. “How about lunch? You know, I’ve freeing my schedule today..” she said a bot disappointed. “Lunch… I’ll text you then. Don’t go wander in my college”  I was looking for my sock. Alice throw a bundle of sock in my head. She laughs. “Got it, captain!” she said. “No, Al, seriously. Just, don’t wander there. Wait for me across the street. Not an inch more to my college” I said a bot serious. “Yes. I understood.” Alice said while put her hand in her head, trying to be an army. I pinch her cheek and kiss her. “Text you later” I said and go out.

“God, Alice!” I shouted to a girl with a summer dress and a hat, covering her head from the sun. She smile and wave to me. “What did I told you?” I continue my speech. “I am not entering it, D. Easy. I was just curious and want to look a bit closer” said her defensively. I sighed and asked her to go to the restaurant near my college. “I was thinking about you, you know” I still mad at her. She still smiling and looking at the menu. “No worries D. I am sorry. This won’t happen again” she apologize. Of course, idiot. “Hey, wanna go to the zoo tomorrow?” I asked, trying to avert the talk. “No can do. Tomorrow is the fullest” she rejects me. “15 then?” I hope she can. She smile and nod her head. “I will be totally free on fifteen”, said her cheerfully.

14 July

The rain is pouring so hard. Alice was ready to go. “Cut it off, Al. It’s raining” I tried to persuade her. “I wish I could” she said with a bitter smile. And I know that she will do all of it. I was free today, though. It would be boring if she’s not around. And it’s raining. Ahhh.. “I gotta go. Don’t forget to have your lunch and dinner, D…” said her then kiss me in the cheek. “Yeah right. I would be dead when you’re back” I said cynical. She throw her lipstick to me. I catch it and smile. “You said that once again, I swear I my self will kill you. Idiot!” she shouts and bang the door. Ahahaha. Stupid Alice.

“Pick me up” I rushed off the apartment to pick her up in the store she said before. Doesn’t she know that it’s is raining non-stop? What does she think I am? I even don’t have a car! Tsk. While I keep complaining, I rush to take the taxi and text her to wait. When I arrived, she smiles and waves to me. This girl, if I don’t know her forever, I wouldn’t do this.”You said it would take longer” I said sulking. “Oooh, don’t you glad I finished early?” she teased me. “Ah,  why don’t we walk? I knew a good shop here” she grabbed my hand and started walking. “We’ll get wet, Al. Just hop into a cab” I said, still mad. “It’s raining, Derrick. God’s gift. Why don’t we play in the rain like we used to?” she still persuade me to do things. “Please… Please…” continue her. She is trouble. “Alright. But, I am not responsible what happens next, Al” finally I surrender. “You are the best!” said her happily and kiss my cheek. We walked in the rain, hand on hand, smiling like crazy.

15 July

The sun is shining so bright. So different from yesterday. Alice gets flu. We cuddle on the bed. I’ve make her a bowl of hot porridge, and we eat it in the sloppy couch. Watching some crappy opera soap, watching some TV series that has so many seasons, listening some musics, playing scrabbles, sudoku, and another board games that we had. Without realizing it’s getting dark. Alice is staring at the window sadly. I hug her. “Last day, huh?” I said it. She drown her head into my chest. “Seven days sure flies so fast” I continue the talk. The radio is playing a romantic song. “Wanna dance?” I asked her. She nodded and smile. We keep dancing and dancing and dancing. Her phone is ringing. We ignored it. And keep dancing. Until to the point where we can’t ignore it. We stop. And sit back. She answered the phone. After awhile, she get dressed and pack her things. “Saying goodbye is the worst” I said break the silent. I know she is trying her hardest not to cry. “Come here, Al” I hug her tight. And I feel a water down through my shoulder. “Last kiss?” I said hoarsely. I kiss her forehead, her cheeks, and said “You know, people said we could give our flu to the other via a kiss. Wanna try?”. She laughed. “You bet” she said and kiss me. We share long and passionate kiss. “Hey, today is 15th of July, and it shines so bright. Tomorrow will be bright too, right?” I said reminding about the movies we’ve watched. Her phone is ringing again. “I guess, I’ll see you tomorrow, D?” she said. We hug each other, I sent her off. “See you”, I whisper, while her cab drove away.

16 July

“You look beautiful” is the first word run on my mouth when I see her. My Alice is in a white big gown, her hair was braided like a crown. She smile and said, “And you look handsome too”. “Guess it works out, huh? The kiss?” I tease her. “Yeah, it must be the right prince” she laughs. “Hey, D. I’ve got so many words I want to say. So, you sit tight there, and do not stop me until I finish it. Promise?” continue Alice seriously. “Yeah” I answered and sit tight in front of her. “You are the best friend I’ve ever had, cross my heart. You’re absolutely, truly amazing. You’re a fine man, decent, loving, accomplished. I’m just so much better when you’re around.” she started her words and almost crying. I was just want to go and hug her but she keeps going on. “The seven days, were amazing. Thank you, for giving me those chances. Those days, I will not forget, and also not our friendship. Thank you for taking a really good care of me. And please forgive me for ever disappearing from your life, D.” she shed the tears that roll down her face. I stood up and hold her hands. “Look, it’s not good to use people lines in a real life talk, you idiot” I said it. She laugh. “You notice? How?” she is still laughing while wiping her tears. “I am a great observer, told you” I answered. “Hey hey hey. Don’t cry. You’re a fine thing Alicia Lullaby Stone. I love you very much. Okay, there you go, lucky you.” I continued tease her. “You took her line too” she said. We laugh together. But the emptiness is coming. I stare at her. “I do really love you” I said it. “I know” she answered confidently. “It’s almost time Alice. Your groom is waiting outside” I said with a sad tone. “Christopher Derrick Johnson, I love you” said her and smile. I kiss her forehead. I wish we could be together forever. Seven days are not enough for me, Alice.

*trying to write a short story in English. And yes I know the grammar use is horrible, but please, just bear with it :p No actually, please correct me. I really am bad in grammar. Happy reading, by the way 🙂


October Challenge : 22th, Inspiration

Monday strikes again aggressively, doesn’t care people ready or not. Monday always the bad one. Monday seems cruel. What you don’t know about Monday is, it is actually kind. Kind because it keep reminds us about our works, it keep remind us about time sure flies fast and doesn’t wait for us. Monday isn’t always the bad one. Monday just be there, to make us live, to make us stronger, to make us know that there is future. Poor Monday  always blame by others. Poor Monday, always hated. Poor Monday, always being scared of. But Monday is strong than us. Monday is still there with or without us. Monday doesn’t care if you like it or not. Monday doesn’t give a single fuck. Monday will be Monday. Staying there, holding on what it has to do, and people who pass it by without complaining a single thing on Monday, that’s what we call “champion”.

Whoah. Inspiration. Just by thinking about Monday. I got inspired by it and combined some words. Wow. Inspiration comes to us, slowly and quietly, without us knowing. Bam. It strikes us. Make us want to do something that really good, really big. Make us want to be the best we could be. Just like Monday, in my opinion 😉 Inspiration is an abstract concept or idea. It has spiritual connotations as well as practical connotations. It is some person, event, or thing that can inspire the mind, emotions, and/or the body to a higher level of feelings or activity.  The action or power of moving the intellect or emotions, the act of influencing or suggesting opinions. It stimulates the mind and emotions to high level of feeling or activity.

We all want to be inspired by something. Writer and artists depend on inspiration and in an acknowledgment of the Greek origins of inspiration, they sometimes refer to someone who inspires them as a Muse. We gaze on our creations with amusement. What inspires you in your life. How do you become innovative. That is the subject of this lens. If you find yourself fascinated by a new idea, chances are good that there’s something meaningful about it for you to consider. Out of the thousands of ideas with the power to capture our imagination, the felt fascination for one of them is a clue that there’s something worthy of our engagement. Don’t dismiss it as trivial. Give it room. Give it time to breathe. Honor it. Follow your curiosity down the path that into the subject or thing that most fascinates you. Your deepest interests and even obsessions provide a clue that something significant is knocking on door of your unconscious mind. When we have the will to allow fascination to grow inside us the illogical suddenly becomes logical and the miraculous is pregnant with possibility.

So, what’s your inspiration? What makes you produce something really good?


October Challenge : 21st, Funny

Happy Sunday!

I woke up at 1030 am if I’m not mistaken. Because I was stay awake until 2.30 am 😀 And I was doing house chores as usual every Sunday  And……. This Sunday is so wasteful and useless. Going nowhere, doing nothing but the chores, basically I was just lazying around. Tsk.

Funny. What is funny? Something that seems peculiar and makes you smile. Comical. Strange.  Arousing or provoking laughter.  Beyond or deviating from the usual or expected. Attempting to amuse someone. It is something that brings joy out of you. What did you consider that something is funny? Appearances? Personalities? Actions? Words?







with love,


October Challenge : 20th, Quote


Saturday is coming and I am a bit sad, because I must be left alone while two of my housemates are lovey dovey with their boyfriends. But, give me books, give me hot chocolate, give me some musics, then, be gone people :p Just like Audrey Hepburn say “I have to be alone very often. I’d be quite happy if I spent from Saturday night until Monday morning alone in my apartment. That’s how I refuel.”

And this Saturday I went to massage center (again) to get full body massage, and then I went to a saloon, haircut and hair spa. Oh how lovely Saturday morning ’til noon I had! I could finally ride on my Alexis again 🙂 At night I went to Bentar’s place to give him our gifts and a birthday cake! He said he was happy and moved by our action, a bit exaggerating I thought :p And in midnight I watch Juventus vs Napoli match on tv. Sadly, eventhough I really want to go to basecamp of Juventus Club Indonesia Chapter Yogyakarta 😦 Thank God Juventus win, 2-0, Martin Caceres, and Paul Pogba 😀 YAY! “Unbe47able” said people. Wonderful, Saturday! ❤

“Continuing to tell stories of shortage only continues to contradict your desire for abundance, and you cannot have it both ways: You cannot focus upon what is unwanted and receive wanted. You cannot focus upon stories about money that make you feel uncomfortable and allow into your experience what makes you feel comfortable. You have to begin telling a different story if you want different results. We would begin by saying: I want to feel good, I want to feel productive and expansive. My thoughts are the basis for the attraction of all things that I consider to be good, which includes enough money for my comfort and joy, which includes health and wonderful people around me who are stimulating and uplifting and exciting.” – Esther Abraham-Hicks

“Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it.” – Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

 “All good things take time” – @tlvi, Lolita

“Life is not always good, which is why music exists.” – Hayley Williams, Paramore

“Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don’t fit your idea of who I should be and don’t try to change me to fit your mold” – Stacey Charter

” Don’t judge me. You can’t handle half of what I’ve dealt with. There’s a reason I do the things I do, and there’s a reason I am who I am” – @LifeJournals








That’s just some of quotes I like. The quotes in picture I found in tumblr 🙂 Take a look in my tumblr, in my about page. But, I am afraid that you’ll shock, mostly it’s about self harming 😀

Well, happy reading!