Somewhere Peaceful

If you could pause real life and spend some time living with a family anywhere in the world, where would you go?

Yesterday I just answered a questioned that similar to this one. “If you had a magic door, where is the first place you will come? why?”

I answered “Greifswald, Germany.” and today I will also use that answer here, plus Essex or Bristol, UK. Why, you may asked. I want to go to Greifswald, not because I have been there three years ago. No. That’s because, it was peaceful and beautiful. I really like being there, sitting down on the grass for hours, watching people, walking in the park, walking in the rain, sitting and dancing on the beach, coming to every party. I can’t even forget the first time I was there, living with Rhea and Dominique, even though I wear veil in my head, I am a moslem, they didn’t judge me, they just accept me (I’d like to keep that positive thing in mind, because I also had the negatives that they got no choice than accept me). And there is Alina and Jona, two most kind people there, oh my, I really missed them so much. I don’t speak German, but they kept teaching me, talking to me with English as hard as they could, it was awesome. The city was so beautiful, especially in the Marktplatz. 

I choose Essex and Bristol in UK because I thought the same thing too. The first time I saw them in the internet, movies, or things, the first thing I said was “wow, what a peaceful place.”. That’s why, I’d really like to go there, one day. And if I could pause my real life, I’d definitely go there 🙂


Friday Night

What do you usually do on Friday night? 

Me, nothing. Yeah, consider it was what I am best at, so that’s kinda boring. But this Friday night, i was doing random things that really cheered me up. In the evening, I was hanging out by my writing class in the park, discussing one of my mate’s draft. After we finished, we hang a bit more, talking about things, about our draft, about what we do, about everything. At eight pm, sharp, one of my mate, Angie, said that we really should watch Insidious chapter 2. I thought she was joking around, but no, she grabbed her wallet, pay the food and drink she ordered, then scream “Come on!”. 

When we were at the cinema, as I predicted it, the ticket was sold out. Considering, how people here were lining up early in the morning just to get the ticket. Angie was so furious. I checked on my iPad, wondering if the other cinema in town play Insidious chapter 2, too. Of course, but the last screening are on 8.30 pm, while we’re still the cinema 1. Angie sighed and said, we should watch the other movies. But she wants to know the movie rated on the internet. So we checked all the movies, and after vote for the movie, we choose 2 Guns. Yap, the one that Denzel Washington and Mark Walhberg playing. It’s on 9 pm, so the three of us decided to work on our stories. We haven’t even take a bath, we really looked like a mess, we wore glasses and start writing. Man, people were staring, and we didn’t care.

The theater door were open, so we rushed put on our notebook to bag and went to the stall, bought popcorn and orange juice. Before the film start, Angie kept eating the popcorn and drank the orange, then talking bout the movie trailers than were on the screen. When the film starts, we focused on it, until it contained blood. Angie afraid of blood, she said it was disgusting. Oh, you’re really a girl, I whispered. The movie was so interesting. I didn’t expect that the two of them are con man, I mean, undercover agent.  (whoa, spoiler alert.) Yeah, I like the plot, like at first I know nothing. I didn’t know that (spoiler alert) the two are setting up each other. Man, the conflicts were really great. I kept asking why, why, why. But I kinda knew the girl, Deb, has something  when she went to the luxury hotel and met Bobby, I mean, she looked so shock when he told her that Stig is a military agent. I love the story line too. I don’t know, I love the flash back, even though, it’s not enough explaining things, I mean, I’ like to see that Deb and Harold met in secrets, plan things. LOL.

So, after we finished, we went home with a big smile, ear to ear. Especially when Angie says, we should really watch Insidious together, again. This was so great. Doing random unplanned things like that really boost my mood. Even though I overslept the morning, when I really should do my script in Rita’s house. The Friday night was awesome.

How ’bout yours?

Twisted (2)

When I step on my foot outside the school, I see you and the Barbie. Grinning mouth to mouth, side by side. Then you turn your head towards me. Your green eyes meet my grey eyes. You don’t blink. I wave goodbye then walk to the school bus. You step on your brake, watching my back. I put on my headset and sit in the back. I can see you get yelled by the Barbie. You know, I never yelled at you, not even a bit. I shuffle my iPod and then close my eyes. I am tired.

I open my eyes when my bus get so noisy. Some popular guy in the football team are making fun a nerd. Usual thing happens. Not my business of course. I get ready to jump off of the bus when I saw my stop. The bus stop, and I stand, walk towards them.
“Bye, freak.” Whisper a guy, with giggles from the other.
I stop my move then turn my head to them. Bunch of useless people.
“I may be freak, but I am not assholes like you all. Useless football men.” I say and raise my middle finger for them. I step off the bus and walk to my home. I can hear them swearing at me. Noisy. What a tiring day, I whisper. Then I heard your motorcycle from far. My bus is already gone, you really know the perfect timing, eh? I wait for you, and you park you motorcycle in front of me. You take off your helmet and now I can see your green eyes. You really are handsome. We kept remaining in silent until I decided to talk.
“Wanna come?” I ask.
You still sit in your motorcycle, and then you pull my hand. I don’t intend to pull it away, too, to be honest.
“I am sorry.” That’s your first line that come out of your cute lips. I don’t know if you remembered, but that was your first line too, back then when you accidentally hit me. I remembered, because you’re the first one whom ever said sorry to me. At school, especially.
“For what?” I pretend. I might be an artist one day if I keep this act.
“Things at school.” You answer bluntly.
“I don’t care. You’re the one who said nobody can know about this.” I say coldly.
You just keep silent whilst hold my hand dearly. Your green eyes see my arm, you touch it. I try so hard not to growl loudly, but still you see my face.
“You’re hurting again. I am sorry.” You say softly, more like a whisper.
I pull out my hand.
“Don’t be.” I answer coldly.
“I want to go in. If you want, you may come.” I say and then leave you alone in the garage. Before I enter my house, I see you pull your cigarette on your pocket. You light it, and then you suck it so deep. I close my door, and walk to the kitchen. I take a glass and fill it with water. I drink it, feeling much better. My heart beats so fast the time you said sorry. And that’s not good. I already knew, I fell for you. That’s dangerous. I hear a door clicking. I assume it’s you. You make yourself home, you sit on the couch. I open my fridge, looking for a beer. I take one and give it to you. You take the beer with one hand, then you drink it. Then, you pat the couch, want me to sit besides you. Like a dog, I do what you ask. You put your beer in the coffee table, and then you put your head in my lap. I can smell my favorite taste, mint cigarette.
“Wake me up in five minutes, alright?” You say before you close your eyes. While me, seeing you rest, my heart is racing. Ah, I don’t want this feeling.

Your phone is ringing. I take a look at the name of the caller, Jacob, your band mate. Seems like this time, you really have band practice. I intend to decline it, but you don’t belong to me. I shake your body, you still don’t wake up. I touch your head carelessly, hoping you would open your eyes. But still, you sleep and sound. I kiss your cute lips, I taste my favorite flavor. You open your eyes, and then smile at me.
“Sleeping beauty, your phone is ringing.” I say, trying to avoid your green eyes.
“I heard.” You answer and give me acute little grin.
“You do it on purpose?” I question you, acting mad, even though I am happy.
“If no, you wouldn’t kiss me, right?” You answer and then move your body to sit.
I just keep silent. I know I will lose to you. Because now, my heart gets involved. You sent a text to Jacob, I supposed, then you stand up, ready to go. You look at me in the eyes, my grey eyes avoid your green eyes, I am afraid that I will fall deep for you.
“Don’t mad, Zo.” Says you.
I move my head up, and stand, to see you off.
“What for?” I reply.
You come closer, and hug me. Tight. I like being hugged by you, it’s calming. But suddenly, I remembered the Barbie. And I really want to puke. I shove you away, and sit down, calm my self.
“Zo? Are you okay?” You ask a bit worried.
“Fine. Just, go.” I answer.
I know, I want you more. But I know, you’re not good for my health. Mental health, especially.
“Zo, look at me in the eyes and say you’re okay.” You insist and sit back, next to me.
I gather all my courage and tell my heart to calm down. I see your green eyes. It’s so beautiful, like zamrud.
“I’m fine.” I say it.
Then you kiss me, softly. I tasted the mint cigarette again. You are wicked. No, I am an idiot. Total fool.
“Bye, Zo.” You say after you finish kissing me, selfish.
I give you a smile when you close my door. I see your beer bottle and take it. I drink the half, it’s like I kiss you again. But with hotness in my throat. I don’t want to be obsessed by you. I hate it. I really hate it.

(To be continued)
(Again, maybe)


(For starter, let me tell you, I wrote this on my iPad on August 23, 2013. And believe, at that time, I really meant to post it but, damn you internet connection!)

Today I feel want to throw everything inside my body up. Tears are uncontrollable. This afternoon my sister texted me, “Sist, Pippo has food poisoning. He is dying.” And then suddenly I got stiff. She must be kidding, right? That Pippo? That naughty cat? That handsome cat? That Pippo? Impossible. He is strong. He is a hero. My hero. So a hero couldn’t be dying, right? That thought kept flowing through my mind. No, he can’t be dying. I am not giving him a permission to die now. Not now. Not before me. Not ever. He is a hero, hero shouldn’t be leaving this world, otherwise who will look after me? Who will call me whenever I opened the door? Who will yell at me whenever it’s time for food? Who will entertain me whenever I got sad, depressed, or missed my boyfriend? Who will accompany me watching series at midnight, or watching football match at 2 am? Who will jump happily everytime I bought whiskas grilled saba flavor? Who will wake me up at 5am, scratching at my door, ask me to pray Subuh? Who will selfishly bite my hand or scratch it when I ate chocolate? Who will welcoming me in the garage or in front of the door everytime I went home? Who will be the first I kiss and say good night and the first I look when I open my curtain? Who will I look up to, and tell stories to whenever I feel down? Who will…… Just be there for me?
That’s why, you can’t be die, you smart ass selfish cat. I forbid you. Just please, Pi, don’t go. I beg you. I will give you your most favorite food times a thousand every day. So please…. Be healthy again. Be mad again. Be your usual self again, Pi. You could bite me or scratch me when I got back, just please, live. Because if you’re gone, I don’t know what to do in this planet anymore. You promised me, you will live until I get married and had kids and you will still there for me and play with my kids. You’ve promised me, Pi. And a man never broke his promise. You are the least I expect to broke your promise. Don’t leave me, Pippo. I can’t forgive my self if you’re gone. Because no matter how much I hate you, how much I mad at you, I still love you, you smart ass selfish cat. Just stay strong, that’s the one thing I asked you.

Shit and Life Happens

Our blogs morph over time, as interests shift and life happens. Write a post for your blog — but three years in the future.

What will my blog be, three years in the future?

First, I do hope that the content of my blog is increasing. I mean, my writing is becoming more intense. Like, I will write much things that I want, that I’ve been through. Maybe I will post things like, my husband, my new home, my baby, my job, my books, damn, that would be so damn great. 

Then, I do hope I could get the premium blog and theme! Wow, that would be so freaking much better than now.

But, I also expect the bad things will happen, like, I’ll be so busy and things and I got no time to write here. I got so stuck and bored, and bla bla bla. Ah, I hope that wouldn’t happen.

I love writing.

I am pretty sure I was born writing things.

And I don’t want to stop.


You receive some wonderful, improbable, hoped-for good news. How do you celebrate?

How do I celebrate wonderful news? Like what, like my mental illness has gone forever? Wow. That would be awesome, but sadly I can’t believe that. You know, I always believe that when I got extremely happy, then a second later it would crushed me to pieces. Been there, done that.

But what if, right? Maybe I still don’t believe it. But deep inside, I always wish it would come true. It wouldn’t go and make me suffer from sudden sadness. And after several hours, I may try to accept that, and say thanks to God, then hugging people around me, maybe. Because you know, hugging calms people down, especially me. And that’s it. Maybe I would dance or sing a song. But that’s too much, a hug it is.

Grown Up

“Maaf ya sayang, kalau aku nggak sempat ngasih kabar. Ini lagi bener-bener ngebut kerjanya.”

Aku membaca berkali-kali pesan singkat dari pacarku. Berkali-kali juga aku menghela nafas. Aku menghempaskan tubuhku ku atas tempat tidur. Seharian ini dia sama sekali tidak menghubungiku kecuali tadi pagi. Hanya mengirim pesan singkat menanyakan kabarku. Begitu kubalas, dia sama sekali tidak membalasnya. Kemudian, sore ini dia mengirim pesan lagi. Aku menggulingkan badanku ke kanan dan ke kiri. Ternyata begini rasanya pacaran jarak jauh, batinku. Aku memejamkan mata, berpikir saat aku membuka mata, dia akan ada disampingku.

“Dinda!” Seru seseorang membangunkanku.
“Din, sudah maghrib. Yuk sholat.” Lanjut suara itu.
Aku memicingkan mata, melihat siapa yang membangunkanku. Aku mencari kacamata yang sudah terlepas ketika aku tertidur tadi. Ah, Sisi rupanya. Teman satu kontrakanku, sahabat semasa SMA-ku.
“Kamu maghrib-maghrib kok tidur sih, Din. Pamali.” Katanya sambil membereskan tempat tidurku.
“Kamu baru balik kampus, Si?” Tanyaku dengan suara parau.
“Iya. Rapat BEM. Ntar lagi kan ada acara kampus.” Jawabnya sambil melepas tasnya.
“Pintu tadi aku kunci, kan?” Tanyaku memastikan.
Sisi mengangguk.
“Yuk ah, maghrib.” Ajaknya.
Sisi berjalan keluar kamarku menuju kamar mandi. Aku melihat handphoneku, tidak ada sama sekali pesan singkat atau apapun. Aku menggerutu pelan. Sisi sudah masuk ke kamarku lagi. Dengan gerakan kepalanya, dia menyuruhku untuk bangkit dan segera mengambil wudhu. Aku menaruh handphoneku dan bangkit berdiri menuju kamar mandi.

Selesai sholat maghrib, aku segera mandi agar lebih segar. Sisi mengetuk pintu kamarku ketika aku selesai berpakaian.
“Kenapa, Si?” Tanyaku.
Sisi membuka pintu kamar, kulihat dia sudah siap untuk pergi.
“Mau makan malam apa, Din?” Tanyanya.
Aku mengangkat bahu dan berjalan menuju meja belajarku, menyalakan laptopku.
“Nggak laper.” Jawabku.
“Yah, kamu diet? Ngapain juga badan udah bagus gitu.” Kata Sisi yang kemudian mengerucutkan bibirnya.
“Dih apaan. Nggak. Beneran. Aku nggak kepikiran makan, Si. Deadline udah dekat, nih.” Sangkalku.
“Tumben handphone ditinggal aja di atas tempat tidur. Marahan sama si abang?” Singgungnya.
Bencana memang punya sahabat tinggal serumah.
“Kamu mau pergi sama Aldi?” Elakku.
Sisi menghela nafas.
“Jangan berusaha mengalihkan perhatian, Din. Kamu mah, kalau marahan suka nggak inget diri. Nanti malah sakit, payah lah.” Sisi menolak menjawab pertanyaanku.
Giliranku yang menghela nafas. Aku menatap layar kosong di laptopku.
“Nggak marah, Si. Bima lagi sibuk kerja, aku saja yang bete karena nggak ada kabar dari dia.” Terangku.
“Nah, itu kamu tahu, Bang Bima sibuk. Kenapa mesti bete?” Ucap Sisi.
“Ah. Ya gimana sih, Si. Aku kan insecure orangnya. Belum lagi kalau nggak ada kuliah kayak hari ini. Kerasa banget, Si. LDR beneran menyebalkan, ya.” Ambekku.
Aku mengetik sebuah situs sosial media di laptopku.
“Kamu mah habis pulang kampung kemarin sebulan, habis ketemu Bang Bima, langsung deh galau gini. Apaan. Udah setahun lebih loh kamu LDR. Masa iya mau ngelupain semuanya.” Kata Sisi bijak.
“Ya nggak lah, Si. Ah, aku kan cuma pengennya kalo Bima kasih kabar kek tiap dia lagi senggang, lagi istirahat. Masa iya sibuk banget sampe nggak istirahat. Kan pasti ada istirahat makan sama sholat. Ini mana, nggak ada kabar selain tadi pagi sama tadi siang. Giliran dibales, malah nggak ada kabar lagi. Nyebelin kan?” Ucapku minta dukungan.
Aku memasukkan username dan password di salah satu sosial media. Sisi bangkit dari duduknya di atas tempat tidur dan berjalan ke arahku.
“Tapi, tetap kamu jangan lupa makan, Din. Aku pergi beli makan ya. Deadline loh, Din, bukan Twitter.” Ejeknya sambil menaruh handphoneku di atas meja belajar.
“Oh, aku nggak pergi sama Aldi. Dia ada futsal.” Ucap Sisi menjawab pertanyaanku yang tadi.
Aku kembali mencurahkan perhatianku pada laptop. Aku membuka folder yang harus kukerjakan, kulirik sebentar handphoneku, masih tidak ada tanda-tandanya Bima akan memberikan kabar. Aku memanyunkan bibirku dan mulai mengerjakan tugasku.

Kudengar suara pintu rumah terbuka, dan suara Sisi mengucapkan salam. Aku menyimpan tugasku tepat ketika Sisi membuka pintu kamarku.
“Yuk makan.” Ajaknya.
Aku mengangguk dan meninggalkan laptopku menyala.
“Makan apa?” Tanyaku duduk di depan televisi, menunggu Sisi mengambil piring dan sendok.
“Nasi goreng. Niatnya sih biar nggak nunggu lama, eh, malah sama aja sama warung penyetan.” Gerutu Sisi.
Aku menyalakan televisi, mengganti-ganti saluran televisi, mencari yang paling menarik. Beberapa stasiun televisi sibuk memeragakan goyang yang membuat mereka semakin heboh dan terkenal. Aku menghela nafas. Aku menghentikan jariku yang menekan remot televisi pada saluran yang ada pertandingan bola.
“Din… Yang lain ah.” Ucap Sisi yang berjalan menuju arahku.
“Apaan? Nggak ada yang bagus, Si.” Kataku.
“Yang lucu deh. Nggak ngerti aku kalau bola.” Katanya.
Aku mengganti saluran tadi dengan saluran kesukaan Sisi. Lawak. Sisi membuka bungkus nasi gorengnya dan menaruhnya dipiring. Aku berjalan ke dapur, mengambil air minum.
“Sudah selesai berapa bab, Din?” Tanyanya.
“Baru dua. Pusing.” Jawabku.
“Ah, kamu, giliran twitteran atau tumblring, lancar sampe tengah malam.” Sindirnya.
Aku berjalan ke arah Sisi dan mencibirnya.
“Berisik ah kamu.” Kataku.
Kami menikmati nasi goreng yang terkenal di kota kami menempuh ilmu ini. Sisi yang nggak tahan pedas berkali-kali meneguk minumnya.
“Nggak minta yang sedang aja, Si?” Tanyaku sebelum menyendokkan sendokku ke dalam mulut.
“Ini sedang banget, Din!” Ucapnya kesel.
“Lagian, orang Padang nggak doyan pedes…” Sindirku. Sisi memelototiku.
“Jangan suka menggeneralisir ah, Din. Kamu juga nggak suka kan kalau dinilai orang lain.” Ucap Sisi.
Aku hanya tersenyum dan mengangkat bahu. Kami menghabiskan nasi goreng diiringi dengan acara lawak kesukaan Sisi. Begitu kami selesai makan, Sisi membereskan piring kami. Aku masih bersantai di depan televisi ketika ponselku berdering. Bima. Aku senang, namun aku juga tetap harus terlihat biasa saja.
“Hai.” Sapaku.
“Hei. Lagi apa?” Tanyanya.
“Selesai makan.” Jawabku singkat.
Bibirku bergerak membentuk senyuman, ah aku rindu suaranya.
“Maaf ya baru bisa menghubungimu. Seharian ini tidak ada waktu untuk menghubungimu. Ini saja, aku masih di kantor.” Jelas Bima merasa bersalah.
Aku melihat jam dinding, sudah pukul 10.
“Kamu tidur di kantor memangnya?” Sindirku.
Terdengar suara tawa kecil dari seberang telepon.
“Sebentar lagi selesai. Bu direktur masih mengecek kerjaanku. Makan apa?” Ucapnya.
“Akrab ya sama bu direktur…” Sindirku lagi.
Suara tawanya semakin nyaring.
“Jangan cemburu, Din. Ah, aku akan meneleponmu lagi ketika sudah sampai di rumah. Oke? Don’t get sick.” Kata Bima mengakhiri pembicaraan.
Aku hanya tersenyum dan mematikan teleponku.
“Abang Bima nelpon?” Tanya Sisi.
Aku terseyum senang.
See, don’t be sad just because he’s not with you. Believe that he always remembers you.” Nasihat Sisi.
Aku tersenyum dan membuka akun sosial mediaku. Kemudian aku melihat satu kalimat yang membuatku tersenyum malu.
“@falla_adinda: Makin dewasa yg harus dingertiin bukan lagi dia cuek dan jarang ngabarin, tapi profesi dia yang menyita waktu.”
Ah, aku harus menjadi dewasa. Untuk Bima dan juga untuk diriku. Aku menyandarkan kepalaku di bahu Sisi.