Miserable

(For starter, let me tell you, I wrote this on my iPad on August 23, 2013. And believe, at that time, I really meant to post it but, damn you internet connection!)

Miserable.
Today I feel want to throw everything inside my body up. Tears are uncontrollable. This afternoon my sister texted me, “Sist, Pippo has food poisoning. He is dying.” And then suddenly I got stiff. She must be kidding, right? That Pippo? That naughty cat? That handsome cat? That Pippo? Impossible. He is strong. He is a hero. My hero. So a hero couldn’t be dying, right? That thought kept flowing through my mind. No, he can’t be dying. I am not giving him a permission to die now. Not now. Not before me. Not ever. He is a hero, hero shouldn’t be leaving this world, otherwise who will look after me? Who will call me whenever I opened the door? Who will yell at me whenever it’s time for food? Who will entertain me whenever I got sad, depressed, or missed my boyfriend? Who will accompany me watching series at midnight, or watching football match at 2 am? Who will jump happily everytime I bought whiskas grilled saba flavor? Who will wake me up at 5am, scratching at my door, ask me to pray Subuh? Who will selfishly bite my hand or scratch it when I ate chocolate? Who will welcoming me in the garage or in front of the door everytime I went home? Who will be the first I kiss and say good night and the first I look when I open my curtain? Who will I look up to, and tell stories to whenever I feel down? Who will…… Just be there for me?
That’s why, you can’t be die, you smart ass selfish cat. I forbid you. Just please, Pi, don’t go. I beg you. I will give you your most favorite food times a thousand every day. So please…. Be healthy again. Be mad again. Be your usual self again, Pi. You could bite me or scratch me when I got back, just please, live. Because if you’re gone, I don’t know what to do in this planet anymore. You promised me, you will live until I get married and had kids and you will still there for me and play with my kids. You’ve promised me, Pi. And a man never broke his promise. You are the least I expect to broke your promise. Don’t leave me, Pippo. I can’t forgive my self if you’re gone. Because no matter how much I hate you, how much I mad at you, I still love you, you smart ass selfish cat. Just stay strong, that’s the one thing I asked you.