Writing

I love writing. I really do. But, I hate to write my thesis. Yes, because I thought, I didn’t get anything in college. Seriously, you asked me something about Psychology, and asked my opinion combine with the theory I’ve learned, no, I couldn’t think. I’d rather said “umm, passed” than have to pretend “Oh, basically, it’s…..”. No, I hate that. Yes, I do hate my major in the first place. I mean, what the hell is this? I didn’t understand any of those, to be honest. You might ask, then why you learned that and pay for a major you don’t like? Long story. Well, long story short, my mother, my family, didn’t allow me to learn International Relation, they said “what would you be?”. I supposed to be a doctor, just like my family root. But then, I was lazying around and test for anything besides med school, and voila, psychology it is. I was like, great, my mental would be cure. But no. Instead, I become more idiot and stupid and useless than before. Oh God, why do I have to do a thesis? Why can’t it be something as simple as writing a short story? I really hate it. You give me a deadline until December 3, and I’ll write you an awesome story. But, you might give me time until February, and, still, my thesis document would be blank. That’s the different. I’d rather be dead than have to finish my thesis, with a scary lecturer like my mother, oh how complete my life is.

Writing a psychology thesis (or any major thesis) is not as simple as writing a short story. You should look for a problem that might occur in real life. Then you asked some people which has a problem like that. Then you should combine it with a theory you’ve learned for like 3 or more years in college. Then, you can make a great tittle of your thesis. And the first chapter. And, if your lecturer is not agree of that, you will end like me, sad, hurt, confused, scared, and much more. Or, you will do the cycle again. The death cycle. I’ve done it. The cycle, several times. And still, my lecturer didn’t give a shit. So, here I am, doing nothing but angry at everyone who asked about how’s my thesis going? Yes. This is real. I really hate writing things I didn’t good at. What would I wrote down? What should I wrote down? Things I don’t even remember? Or thing I don’t even understand? What? Give me some problems, and there you go, I will give you a thank you gift. Oh dear Lord, I always pray to you 5 times a day, but I still get this? What about people who never pray to you but you give them an easy way out? That’s really unfair, God 😦 (but then again, who I am to complaint Your Way, right, dear God?)

I really wish I am from a rich family so that my parents didn’t have to fight all the time about money, and debts, and things. So that I could easily move to my favorite major in my favorite university, and earn a bachelor degree within 4 years. Which, will make my mother so freaking proud, and people would stop asking things and my boyfriend and I would stop fighting over the same theme, my graduation. Ah. Stupid wish. Doesn’t matter how many times I wish for things, it never granted. ASDFGHJKL. What the hell is going on my mind? *sigh* This is because of my freaking boyfriend and my freaking friend asking not important thing such this. You know, I even get a haunted nightmare. Crap. This is all bullshit. Blame them. Blame everyone except me. They’re here to hurt me, to see me fall.  Oh dear lovely Lord 😦 I can’t stand any of this anymore. Can I just get a straight way to heaven? Or hell? 😦 I am sick of these things, actually. ASDFGHJKL. So sorry God. I am sorry.

-A-

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