Her name is Hana. In Japanese it means flower, favorite. In Korean it means one. In Arabic it means Happiness. I guess her parents want her to be the one flower that brings happiness. And yes she does. She is the one who always smile ear to ear. She is the one who always help people. She is the one who always kind to everybody. She never hesitate doing things that most of girls would be said “eeeew”. She is smart, beautiful, and lovely. Everyone loves Hana.
Aku tertegun membaca apa yang baru saja kutulis. Apa yang akan dia katakan kalau dia membaca tulisanku ya? Aku menghela nafas panjang. Hana, Hana, Hana. Teman satu kelasku saat SMA yang ceria. Tidak ada yang tidak tahu Hana. Everybody knows Hana. Hana berambut hitam panjang sebahu (more or less, I think), matanya berwarna cokelat, dengan kulit yang berwarna cerah. She is a perfection, gumamku sambil menutup draft tulisanku. Aku meneguk satu gelas air putih di sebelah laptopku. Tiba-tiba pintu kamarku dibuka oleh seseorang. “Kev, want to join us hit the bar?” tanya seorang laki-laki berambut emas. Aku mengangguk dan berkata “Let me shut this down”. “Alright” John meninggalkanku tanpa menutup pintu kamarku. Aku mematikan laptopku dan mengambil kacamata serta jaketku.
After the football practice, I was walking toward the field, checking things I left or the team left. It’s hard to be a captain, I guess. But suddenly, I heard someone is crying. In the empty seat of the football field. I saw her. Hana. The girl who always smiling around, now is crying. I wonder why. Is it because her lovely pet was dead? Or is it because she unintentionally pick on an ant? Or what? Yeah those ridiculous things was coming through my mind. Because she never cried in front of me, that’s why! Damn, what should I do, I mumbled with myself. Ah, screw it. I kept walking towards her. She stopped her crying and lift her beautiful face, when she heard my footsteps. She’s clueless and wordless. “Err. Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you, I was just… checking the field” there, I said it. She wiped her tears and started smiling. I quickly gave her my clean little towel. She look at me confusedly, but still take it. I waited her nervously and started to sit. “You know…. This….” she started to talk. “I got it. I won’t tell anybody. I’ll keep it a secret.” I cut her off. She smiled. “You are…. the football captain, Kevin, if I am not mistaken, right?” asked her. I nodded my head and smile. She knew. “You want to be a football player for the rest of your life, Kev?” asked her suddenly. I looked at her. Her brown eyes looks teary but beautiful. “No. Actually I want to be a writer” there, I said it to her, my secret dream. I don’t know why I told her that, we never spoke. Until now. “Cool…” she said, looking at the field. “I… Want to be a photographer actually” she said, sadly. “That’s great. Although I don’t know you can take a good one”, teased me. She smiled widely. “You see, that’s because the good ones always in the gallery, not to be looked by bare eyes. It’s expensive and exclusive”, replied her. I laughed. I don’t know she’s this funny. “Hey Kevin, if one day you’ll be a writer, would you please write about me? Just, one story. A really good one. That will give people laugh and tears and you got a Pulitzer by that” she said randomly. I laughed more hard. How could I? It’s not a “just”, it’s hard. “Then you should be there to accompany me accepting my Pulitzer award” replied me. She smiled and move on to sit next to me. “It’s a promise, then” she gave her little finger to me. She wants us to do a pinky promise. Ah to hell with it, I put my little finger and tailed it with hers. The sunset at school’s field was more beautiful with her smile. Hana, she is weird, yet, interesting.
Suara tawa teman-teman kuliahku membuyarkan lamunanku. Our last day at college. Be a student. Some of them already accepted to the big news in town, while me, was just doing some writing for a paper and some of my friends’ acquaintances. Bunyi dentingan gelas yang saling bersentuhan, suara gelak tawa yang ramai, people kissing, suara televisi, semuanya memenuhi telingaku. Aku meneguk minuman dihadapanku. Aku masih tidak suka dengan rasanya yang pahit. Tapi aku suka aromanya. Ah, sejak kapan aku jadi pecinta alkohol? Pasti sejak saat itu, gumamku kemudian meneguk habis alkohol yang ada di gelasku. Saat itu aku teringat lanjutan kisahku dengan Hana. Dia mulai sering berbicara denganku, saling bertukar nomer handphone, alamat email, dia selalu datang saat aku bertanding ataupun saat aku latihan. Kami mulai sering pergi berdua, entah untuk menonton film, konser musik, berbelanja, mencari objek untuk fotonya, menemaniku menulis, yah, just like that. And news spreads quickly. People think we’re dating. And the worst came. He came and threaten me. Hana’s boyfriend. Yeah, she already has a boyfriend. The basketball captain. Ah. Di negaraku itu sepakbola tidaklah terlalu keren jika dibandingkan basket. “We are just chat buddy” I said, denying a crush I had on her. Ryan hampir meninjuku tapi mengurungkan niatnya karena Hana melihat kami. Hana merelai kami dan meminta maaf padaku. Kemudian dia berlalu, hand on hand with Ryan. Sejak saat itu intensitas pertemuan kami menurun drastis. Untungnya Hana masih mau menerima teleponku dan membalas mailku. Hana. My Favorite.
That day, the rainy day was stroke again. It was non stop. Thank God it’s Saturday so I didn’t have to go to school. The practice will be on Sunday. I don’t really hate rain, though. It was beautiful. Hana thought so too. I smiled. Hana again. What’s going on with my head? Lately all I can think and relate was all about her. My phone was vibrated in the coffee table. I was writing down a story. I took a look at it. The notification was blinking the name, Hana. “What are you doing?” she messaged me. I smiled and replied “Writing”. Quickly she replied “Cool. When will you start writing my story?”. “Well I don’t know. I barely know you, so… Maybe next year?” I teased her. Actually I already had a draft in my mind, what would the story like. “A year, huh…. It’s a long time” she replied it. “Not if we always hanging out together like always” there, I said it. She didn’t reply my message directly. I thought she was busy doing things in this rainy day, taking pictures. Then my phone vibrates again. “Sure. I feel much relieved when I am with you, Kev” she replied. I smiled like crazy. “Me too.. What are you doing? Busy, eh?” I asked. I put my phone away and started to make a hot chocolate. I didn’t hear my phone buzzing. Hana was calling. When I already done with the drink, I back to the coach and saw my phone. 5 missed calls. Hana. I confusedly called her back. She didn’t pick it. One. Two. Three. Four. In the five times I called, she answered it. “Hana?” I started the conversation. I heard rain is falling so hard. Where is she? “Hana?” I called her, this time louder. The sound of the rain is still loud. Then she talked “Hey…”. “Where are you?” I asked worriedly. The thunderstorm was so loud, it feels I was outside. “Kevin.. I am so sorry. I am breaking up my promise..” she said, not answering my question. “What? Hey Hana, where are you?” I kept asking, confusedly. “These past weeks were like hell. I just can’t bear with it anymore. Too much, Kev. I am sorry, I am truly sorry. Thank you for brightening my days, thank you for always being there, these few months. Thanks a lot, Kevin. And…. Goodbye” she said and hung up on me. I really worried. I called her again and again but no answer. I texted her tons of messages, but she didn’t reply one of them. I called her house, but no one answer. Panicked, I shook off my mother’s key car and run towards the car. Dammit, Hana. What the hell are you doing? I knocked her house intensely, but no one come. I jumped off of my car again and searched for her. I went to some girls in our class that she always hang out with, to the cafe she always asked me to go there, the convenient store, I searched everywhere and I got nothing. Then I gave up and went all the bay back to home, but then I saw crowds ahead of me. The bridge. I have a bad feeling about this and I went there. People are murmuring about something, suicide. I kept moving towards the crowd just to found a body I really knew. Hana. I yelled at the paramedic to gave her some breathe, to keep her alive, just do something. But they said it was too late. Hana already passed away. That Hana, jumped off of the bridge, without saying things. She just jumped. Hana, why?
Aku terhenyak ketika suara bel apartemenku berbunyi. Dengan sedikit terhuyung aku bangkit dari dudukku dan menuju pintu depan. Where the hell is everybody, batinku. Kepalaku masih sakit karena terlalu banyak minum tadi malam. Aku membuka pintu just to found Kim, was there. “Kim?” I said confusedly. She looked at me pathetically and gushed over to come in. I close the door. “You drunk?” asked her briefly. Aku memegang kepalaku yang sakit dan menuju wastafel di dapur. Aku mencuci muka agar tersadar dari pengaruh alkohol. Aku mengerjap-ngerjapkan mataku. “Sorry” hanya itu yang bisa kukatakan dan duduk di sofa yang berantakan. Kim menunjukkan ekspresi marah. “Don’t you remember we had an appointment to the suit store? To buy suit for your graduation, tomorrow, in case you forgot that too” katanya sambil membuatkanku segelas kopi. “Yeah. I remembered. It’s just… John and the others were too excited about tomorrow” ucapku membela diri. Kim menyerahkan secangkir kopi hitam pekat kearahku. Aku menyeruputnya, pahit. “You and your friends, you and your excuses” balas Kim sinis. “It could be a good title for a story” I said carelessly. Shoot. She’s going to be more mad, batinku. Kim rolled her eyes out. “Just, take a shower Kevin. Get dress. I will make you breakfast. Okay?” ucapnya bangkit meninggalkanku. Aku meneguk kopiku sampai habis dan memabwa cangkirnya ke dapur. “I am so sorry, Kimberly” ucapku sambil memeluknya dari belakang dan mencium pipinya. Bisa kurasakan dia tersenyum tapi dengan cepat raut wajahnya berubah lagi. “Quickly” she said pointed to the bathroom. Aku mencium pipinya sekali lagi, melepaskan pelukanku dan pergi menuju kamar mandi. Oh Kim.
Hana left me and the other with millions of questions. Why? I kept digging things, but couldn’t find an answer. Until one day, I got a mail, from Hana, the post stamp is about two days before she jumped. Curiously, I opened the packet. A book. And a notes saying “Sorry Kevin I have to tell you like this, but, I want you to know my story. In case, you need it to write your book”. I smiled sourly. She planned it all along. I opened the book. It was her diary, sort of. I read, and read, and read and read until midnight. I didn’t care about anything. I shrink into her story. All of the reasons are here, sealed. I cried my eyes out. She’s so strong. I never realizes her cut, her pain, her sadness. She covered it with smile. I really wanted to punch someone or something. So I punch my wall instead. Hurts. But, it’s nothing than the pain she has to bear with. I am sorry, Hana. All of this time, she always pretending to be happy, while her house was really scary, cheated father and abusing mom, her friends talk bad behind her, her bestfriend making out with her boyfriend, her dream have to shove away and changed to be a doctor. She couldn’t bear with those any longer. The few days before she jumped, it was the worst. I am sorry, I am so sorry, Hana.
Aku meregangkan badanku. Gadis cantik berambut keemasan ikal sebahu melihatku. “Finally” ucapku sambil menunjukkan hasil karya yang telah kubuat beberapa bulan belakangan ini, padanya. Kimberly membacanya dengan serius. Aku meminum frappeku. Memperhatikan wajahnya yang berubah-ubah. Aku tersenyum dan melihat ke arah jalan. “Kevin, what is she to you?” tanya Kimberly tiba-tiba. Dia menatapku dengan mata bulatnya yang hijau. Tegas. Aku tersenyum sambil memegang tangannya dan menjawab, “A precious one. Hana, my favorite”.
*ps, I stay awake until 1.30 am just to finish this. Haha, oh and sorry if it’s difficult to read because I’m not entirely write it with english.*