It is already half of October and I am still the same. Sad. And miserable.
Crush. Who never has a crush? Beat me. No one ever. The feeling when you look at your crush secretly, the feeling when your crush smile back at you or said hello or nod her/his head at you lightly or wave hand to you, the feeling when she’he attend to your game to cheer you up (or you whole team, your school), the feeling when your crush said “good luck”, the feeling when she said “thank you” when you gave her/him something they really wanted for a long time, and another feelings that makes you feel like you’re in heaven. Yeah, that kind of feeling made you smile all the time like an idiot, daydreaming about things that actually never happen or hard to happen. That’s the best one having a crush. Bad news is, we officially hates everybody who were close to her/him. The feeling when she/he hang out with other guy/girl, the feeling when her/his smile were not meant for you, the feeling when she/he didn’t recognize you, the feeling when she/he already had a girlfriend/boyfriend (which will never ever good in our eyes). Those kind of feeling are the worst.
I had a crush when I was in 6th grade. Yeah, too early to have a feeling for a guy. But, love struck when we didn’t even recognize it, right? So, he is cool (what kind of cool boy in sixth grade? I must be insane), smart, kind, and of course handsome. He’s the type like a quarterback in high school (which he is totally change when we met again in high school). Since he was always went to my friend’s home when school is over, I was extremely happy just to walk with him and talk about unimportant things. I still do like him util graduation. And planned to go to the same junior high school like him (sadly, I rejected that offer because I wanted to be with my elementary school friends, which I really regret it. Haha). Back to him, let’s call him A. So A is kind to everybody. And it’s not hard for him to have some fans or let’s say girls all over him. Including me. The famous girl in my school, sadly also like him. And yeah, it hurts whenever I saw her talking to him, touch him freely, but I think, I got no right to be mad. I was really afraid of her, actually. She’s frightening, and I terribly hate her because she’s bossy and always commenting everysinglething I do. So…. I stop liking A (took a short way) and if it possible, I didn’t went home with him anymore. That’s how my first crush ended. Cruelly.
On first year of junior high, I like someone. Let’s say his name is P. He’s my neighbor. And he’s four years older than me. And he’s tall, kind (but he’s much look like a bad boy), cool, and handsome. (you know, my crush type is the same, I really like tall and handsome guy, I mean, who doesn’t, right?) Anyway, Donny is always teasing me. He won’t missed those kinda chance. Jerk. But also because of him I could hang out with P and his friends. I always think that my heart would be jumped out of my body if I talked to him. I got so nervous and not brave enough to look at him. But, whenever I heard his motorcycle pass by my room, I hurry opened my window just to see him. Yeah, this is why having a crush on your neighbor is handy. You will have something to talk to. You will have excuses to go to his house. Ah, those feelings are the best. But I got sad whenever he came home with his girlfriend, of course, what am I thinking? That type of guy always had a girlfriend. Which, lead us to my story at school. Yeah, she is the one who bullied me back then, she’s my senior at junior high. Disaster. When I knew P had a girlfriend, I back off, I thought that would be inappropriate to like him while he has a girlfriend. And my second crush just ended. (but when I saw him again in my first year in college, I still had those “badump badump” in my heart)
My first year of high school I got a crush. He’s not that handsome, but he’s super cool and funny. I met him when he was practicing basketball alone, and yeah, my heart went “badump badump”. I asked my friend who he is and she explained everything to me. She is the best! Haha. And bla bla bla bla bla, I like to watch the game he played, went home so late just to see him practice, hoping that I’d be in the same class as him (but it never happened!). My crush ended 3 years of high school. Long time, maybe it’s because I was in the same school so I have to meet him everyday? When my first and second one are not the same. I don’t know, it’s just, yeah, I like seeing him playing basketball. He was the coolest when he plays basketball. Still, until now I got the same chill when I meet him. Just like when I met A and P. Those feelings… It’s precious.
Hmm.. In college? I have several crush. But the one that I really have a chill until now is this guy, B. He’s a bad boy. Trust me, bad boy is more appealing than kind boy, I still don’t know why. He wears band tees, and a jeans, a jacket, and converse. He’s quiet but has a sweet smile. He’s so cool. He always came late. But he always change girlfriend, as expected from bad boy. Aaaand, there another but. He’s… Not that smart. But still, he’s super cool. And sweet. And kind. And… Damn, I couldn’t get off of my eyes of him whenever we’re in the same class!
Crush. So many feelings we have. Isn’t it weird that when you like someone, the simple things that they do seem so much more special? That’s the power of crush, I told you. When your friends tease you about them, happy yet embarrassed. When you could spot your crush in a crowd, that’s the power of crush :p Gushing information to your bestfriend about any encounter with them, no matter how minor it was. When they say something sweet to you, or compliment you and you feel like your heart will burst. Feel self conscious about everything about you when you’re near your crush. Anxiously waiting for them to reply your message. The tiny amount of hope that one day they will decide they like you too and ask you out.You can’t stop thinking about them. You over-analyze your conversations with them. Messing up with your words when you talk to them. You stare at them when they’re not looking, A LOT. Scribbling their name down in our journal, our books, our notes, everywhere. Going to extreme levels of stupidity just to make them smile. And things that we always do when our crush is near us.
I do have a crush on Donny. It probably the worst idea to have a crush on your bestfriend. How could I didn’t have a crush on him when he’s too kind and caring? My bad. That’s where my weakness is. Haha. But no worry, it’s long gone. It has changed to love. I love him like a brother. A family. Because he’s always there for me and never let me down. He always makes me so incredibly happy. I’ve realized that even if he has friendzoned me, he’s a great friend to be zoned by 😉
You could tell who I like, because I don’t talk to them.
I stare instead.