Trust

trust

I am so disappointed right now. I even got no soul to do my house work or read some books to make me feel better. No. All of my favorite things to do can’t help me feeling better. They’re not working! All I’m doing this weekend is just laying in the bed, get up, shower, then laying in the bed again, I even don’t want to eat. Damn. It’s all because one thing. Someone broke the promise. Wait, if it’s that man, yes, he always broke promises. Don’t you know that trust is so hard to earn? And with me like this, it’s even harder. You just keep making it smaller and smaller. I hate people who broke promises more than “just people”. Having a high hope is useless. Everything likes keeping me down. Or I am not destined to have people who I can trust? The man I always call “dad” is always lying to me and to my entire family. Oh wait, I think not to my little sister, she’s the one he loved the most in three of us. Yeah, same old same old. I do really hate him, because he keeps on lying while I FUCKING KNOW THE TRUTH OLD MAN! I just don’t want to talk about it or else, you’ll be ashamed. In front of my friends, you talked like you own the whole freaking world. Shit. I am so ashamed that I’d rather not having them stop by at house than having you talk nonsense with them! Don’t you understand? I am sick of your words! I am not your freaking little girl anymore. I am sorry, you want my respect? Then act like the one I should respect. Not just like some freaking old man jerking around. You know what? Two people I really talked about you are my childhood best friend and my boyfriend. You don’t even know how much they despise you, Sir. Cause you talk big, but nothing to prove on. If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression. It’s not like that I hate you, it just… If you’re getting hit by bus, I would rather be the driver 🙂

About my mood today, it’s not because my old man. It’s because my boyfriend. Yeah. Sadly, I talked everything to him, and he still didn’t get it, how hard to earn my trust. And I hope when he earned it, he wouldn’t disappoint me. But, shit happens. Not once. Many times. And now I am doubting you. Doubting myself. Doubting everything. Was it real? What we have? Because I think that it is real and you would never ever put me down. Guess, again, I am wrong. I am so stupid, right? You might say over this little thing I got mad, but dear, it’s from the little things you should count on. If from little things you put me down, guess you would do the same on the big ones, huh? I am afraid that one day, when the trust get much smaller, I would never trust you, or anyone, ever. Because you said that you’re the proof that there are people which are not bad, right?

Go ahead, keep lying at me, give me hopes, fly with flowery words, and I would never ever trust you. Not until you come to me, proving your freaking words. Sorry, I am not planning to fall in to your words dear father and boyfriend. Poorly, you two are the greatest liar I’ve ever know.

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